If you are into something other than what the mainstream herd are into, or have established as “acceptable”, then chances are you’re going to get a lot of questions.  Some people are asking because they are just curious and have never heard or considered it before, some actually want to understand it and others, well… They just want to poke holes in your explanation or life choices because their narrow minds can’t cope with the concept of there being multiple perspectives that can all be right!

We all know that swinging is still not mainstream acceptable, and we’re ok with that.  Some of us like the shock factor or having our own secret life (well maybe you do, mine isn’t so secret!)  Whatever the reason we chose this path, we’re choosing what’s right for us and if we’re honest about it with others, there will always be questions.

Here are the top questions and conversations that I end up in the most.  I honestly don’t mind talking about it all, but then duh, that’s my job.  But for other people, I certainly know they are sick of the same old questions and having to explain themselves.  Maybe you can relate.

Aren’t you afraid they’ll fall in love with someone else and leave you?

This generally stems from their own insecurity colouring their perception of the world, so yes, this is one their own fears they are projecting onto you.  They can’t fathom the idea that they could share their partner and they definitely don’t want to gamble for fear they will lose what they have to someone who is more beautiful, sexier and more talented in bed.  Us swingers already know the power of giving our partners the freedom to be themselves and to explore sexually.  Besides, we’ve already worked out how f#@king hot it is to watch our partner with someone else and the gratitude they feel for us in giving them that experience only bonds us further.  Yes, we get it!

Aren’t you afraid of STIs?

About as much as I’m afraid of getting hit by a bus when I walk across the street but I know what to do to minimise the risk (you know, look both ways and such).  The media and medical establishment have done their best to scare people into protection or abstinence (it was probably the latter) so while we know to use condoms, hygiene, to get regular testing (and treatment if necessary) and watch out for potential signs of risk with partners, we still know we want to dare to cross that road after looking both ways because all the fun is there! The media and fuss has done its magic in these cases, they are too afraid to try something that *might* increase the risk of contracting an STD and that’s ok for them to choose that.  Me and you, clearly, we want to experience EVERYTHINIG life has to offer which includes as many options in the domain of sex!  Right?

What about your children?  What are you teaching them by being so… easy?

Ahhh, this questions and the variations I get from concerned parents who think I’m parading our human toys around the house in front of our little ones and exposing them to live porn shows… Really?  *sigh* They really have no clue because they’ve only seen the overly dramatized version of swinging on TV, so therefore they are highly uneducated, and likely a bit prudish themselves.  Hats off to them for being concerned for the welfare of our children, that’s beautiful, but these people are coming from an uneducated perspective so this is an opportunity to educate them.  They may or may not want to hear what you have to say about it though, so if they put their fingers in their ears and start yelling “la la la la la” then that’s your cue to stop.

The reason these questions get asked repeatedly is because we dare to share our story with those who are outside the swinging lifestyle.   Here’s the thing though, if you are willing to spend time with them, you can often help them get to a place of understanding, more acceptance and less judgment.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been in long conversations where I’ve answered these questions and more, including from people who are devout Christians with some very big judgments about it, only to have them walk away from the discussion saying “thank you!”.

Some will have less judgment and be more accepting (always a good thing have more of those people in the world) and some it will spark an interest in exploring it for themselves, increasing the amount of potential playmates in the mix.  Also a good thing!

So kudos to those who speak openly about it all and persevere with the sometimes monotonous questioning, the swinging lifestyle needs more of you.

As told to: Rachel Kramer Bussel –  Elle

Last spring my husband and I were looking for an adults-only vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary. I came across a “clothing optional lifestyle takeover cruise.” The materials talked about dance parties, clothing-optional areas, and playrooms, including a dungeon. We assumed “lifestyle” meant BDSM. It was only after we’d booked the trip that we realized it meant swingers.

Leading up to the cruise, though, we got to know some of the other couples online and began to change our minds. It started with talk of me being interested in playing with other women and evolved into “Let’s just go for it and enjoy all this cruise has to offer.”

We really didn’t know what to expect when we got there, and were definitely surprised. Some people were completely nude, some just topless, some in tiny outfits, and some fully clothed. We kept our swimsuits on. No one seemed to mind, or even notice, what anyone else was or wasn’t wearing.

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